How to be Awkward
Some say awkwardness is born and not made; while it's certainly easier if you're naturally gifted, anyone can develop this valuable skill by following these easy steps.
1. Never come out and say what you mean. Skate around the point with unnecessary words, animal-inspired noises, and thoughtful silences. Taking too long to get out a simple thought is one of the easiest ways to make any situation awkward.
2. Compliment your spluttering speech with body movement. My favorites are the Excited Octopus (waving/flailing both your arms and hands), the Lorde-inspired Demon Possession (tilt your head at sharp, awkward angles that add an extra sense of "whaaaat" to your facial expressions), and the OMG I Can't (alternate between covering your mouth and gesturing towards whatever is causing the feels), but feel free to develop your own, as long as they are completely opposite from what a rational human being would do.
3. Showcase your clumsiness. The most classic method, of course, is water-spilling.
4. Essentially, if it will carry a conversation in a normal direction or make those around feel comfortable, don't do it.
5. Own the awk. Tis a beautiful thing.
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