Sunday, October 13, 2013

My Subject Chose Me- Lucy Wan

Fears: being inadequate, not being able to figure out what I really want to do in life
Annoyances: ignorance, rudeness, wobbly chairs
Accomplishments: being happy, taking on more responsibility
Confusions: prejudice
Sorrows: lack of self-motivation
Dreams: to find a career that I love, travel
Idiosyncrasies: I bounce my legs up and down all the time (yes, I know it's annoying, sorry)
Risks: the entirety of my bucket list
Beloved Possessions: childhood blanket- then, laptop-now (it's the truth; I cannot fathom living without it)
Problems: procrastination

I'm not scared of dying. I'm not scared of being hurt or killed. What scares me is disappointment. More intimidating than the black void after dying, disappointment is the black void during life. I am oftentimes insecure in who I am and what what I want to do. There's always a sense of inadequacy whenever I attempt new things. "Am I good enough?". "Do I have what it takes?". "What happens if I fail?". Being in high school with specific goals I must achieve and the pressure of my parents amplifies this sense of impending failure. There always seems to be the question of whether I am going to fail this time. Whether I can actually live up to my potential, or crash and burn in the process. So yes, I'm scared. Quite frankly, I'm terrified. Life has somehow become this circle of hope, despair, self-destruction, and eventual achievement. Although I seemingly always end up at my goal, the path that I took is filled with doubt and disappointment. It's a vicious, vicious cycle, but somehow I still can't break it.



No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.